I feel for you. You sound kind of sad, confused and angry all at the same time.
The business you’re in (being a model) doesn’t help matters either. There is way too much emphasis placed on beauty these days…and the media are constantly shoving ideas down everyone’s throat about how people should look.
Marilyn Monroe was a truly beautiful woman. She had it so much better than the models of today. Back in the fifties, being curvy was considered sexy. Now being curvy is considered fat. It’s a disgrace that this has happened.
Anyway I think you are a great writer, your post was interesting and well worth reading. Maybe you should think about writing a autobiography/a book of memoirs -for young and upcoming models.